In this world, more money, probably ten times or even 100 times on hair products than on the brain products. So it is clear that a whole lot of people care about what is outside than what is inside. In such a society, who you are is literally a bundle of opinions that other people have given. No wonder if you think so! But dude, seriously?
Why we unknowingly give others the permission to judge our appearance and behaviour? Why do you care so much about what others think about you? Let’s dig deep and see what the actual science behind this is.
We live by the narrative of other people? We are kind of, always accessing how people think about us, right? While having conversations, we use to think – “did I said anything too bad, boring or annoying. How are they going to interpret what I said?” It’s appears like we are almost becoming a people pleaser! How about putting it this way – I don’t want to be an a**hole, so I am going to be extra nice. Here, unconsciously we are giving way too much significance to the feedback. We want this from everyone, our family, our friends and even from a random Stranger on the street. We want everyone to validate us good.
That is not an easy thing to get or an easy situation to architect!
It is not the easiest thing because there are a lot of people in your life and you can’t please everyone at the same time. They do have different response to things you say and things you do. That means you are getting constant feedback, both negative as well as positive. So if you have been trained like most people do,, to try to offer behaviour that produces pleasing responses from them. Then my friend, life is really busy for you.
Why we do like this?
Our society and experiences taught that to you early on, if you please them they smile and if you don’t they feel bad in some way. If most people say that you can’t, then you start to believe you can’t. This is pulling you away from your own guidance system.
But opinions can be wrong
We all know who Oprah Winfrey is, a multi-billionaire media mogul. Actually she was fired from her news anchor job in early days because they thought she wasn’t fit for television. Now Oprah, probably is the most influential women in the world. See! Opinions doesn’t necessarily have to be right.
When asked about how she managed to transform her life, Oprah said- “The big secret in life is that there is no secret. Whatever your goal. You can get there if you are willing to work”.
Yes, it’s time to get your facts straight
One of the biggest vulnerability of human beings is not giving yourself the permission to say no and, inside your head it is a problem. It is preventing yourself from living a normal life.
As long as you worried about other people judging you, you will live with regret. Yes, it’s time to get your facts straight. Not yours, ours!
Listen, when we really mess up, almost no one will be looking or caring very much. Our tragedies don’t occupy the society the way we fear. A few people might notice for a moment then swiftly move on to next thing. We are in the centre of galaxy only in our own mind. The world is still filled with humans even don’t hear about us. Those who might be angry or disappointed with you now will have forgotten all about you soon enough.
Instead of thinking how am I looking today? You can occupy your mind with your plans, goals and happiness. Of course how you look and dress matters. But right now you are not going to walk the ramp. You need to have the wisdom to think this out – Where certain things matter and where it doesn’t matter. If you are so concerned about your appearance, obviously you must be emptier inside.
Get it into your head, when you are focused on certain things other things will become less significant. We are all afraid of our true self getting rejected by the world, which will really hurt our ego. But the facts is, the less you care about other people think about you, the more people will actually like you.
“Floating on a cloud is not a good thing because somebody blows you up”
My favourite analogy of how you live your life is the story of song bird.
Some days before, I was walking through a forest with my friend. We noticed a bird singing from top of a tree. Hearing the bird’s song, I said “Wow this bird sounds amazing” but my friend had a totally different opinion. He said, “This bird sounds terrible.”
That bird doesn’t care about my love or my friend’s hate. He is going to do what he does, sing his song. Not everyone is going to like the way you sound but the ones who like you, will like you for who you are. That is the only thing that matters, the connection with those people will be meaningful and real. Hope you guys enjoyed reading this article. Let me tell you one last thing – Enjoy who you are, be like the bird and keep singing your song.